Do you want to be perfect or happy?

Are you always struggling to be perfect? Maybe you feel that this is what people expect from you, or maybe you are the one who is always striving for perfection, because deep inside you simply don’t love and accept yourself just the way you are.

Been there, done that. Most of my life I have striven for perfection and believed I was not enough. I speak 5 languages, and although for many people this sounds like a lot, I thought it was not enough, I didn’t speak perfectly the 4 languages that are not my mother-tongue, and I even doubted about that…

I wrote and published 2 books, one in Spanish and one in Italian, and I had to struggle with my unconscious belief that they were not good enough, which boycotted me all the time and became en excuse not to do my best to promote them. Whenever my husband told to some of our acquaintances that I had written two books, I almost felt ashamed, because they were not perfect.

Perfectionism is procrastination disguised

Enough! You just know at a certain point that the time has come to make big changes in your life and even if changes are never easy, you just have to go for it! You just have to let go of the tireless quest for the unreachable perfection.

Once you realize that we all are fabulous imperfect human beings, you are on the path of falling in love with yourself and you are about to start what will be the most significant relationship in your life.

We tend to believe that we do love ourselves, it seems something so obvious, but it’s not actually. Every time we do not accept something of ourselves, every time that we blame ourselves for a mistake we have made, every time we do not feel adequate or we compare ourselves to someone else, we are actually not loving ourselves.

The quest for perfection is not a natural human instinct

I don’t think it’s natural but rather culturally learnt. What I think it’s natural for a human being is the pursuit of something deeper, our mission, our very reason to be, or as Maslow said, the need for self-actualization.

We live in a world where perfection seems to be the ultimate goal, and even if we know that perfection is unachievable, we have created unrealistic models and idealized pretty much every aspect of our life: the ideal job, the ideal partner, the ideal family, etc.

This inevitably moves us away from happiness, since what we are trying to do is to change or improve external aspects: being richer, owning a better car, the trendiest smartphone, a better computer, a luxurious house, etc.. We look for happiness outside, but happiness can only be found inside.

I really encourage you to look inside yourself and ask this simple question: “Do I want to be perfect or happy?”

Once you know the answer, you are just at the beginning of the journey, acknowledgement itself is not enough if you don’t take action, and that might be the toughest part, but it doesn’t have to scare you away.

It is always difficult to give advice, because people must realize by themselves what it has to be done, but I often find that other people’s experience is extremely helpful in inspiring and an encouraging to take action. So I will dare to give some advice for anyone who wants to know where to start from, based on my experience.

Work with positive affirmations

Choose one or two powerful affirmations, such as “I am perfect just the way I am” and “I love myself just the way I am“. Repeat them hundreds of time per day, it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe to what you repeat, they will eventually become true for your subconscious and they will work.

For even stronger results, repeat them at the mirror. Yes, do look yourself into your eyes and repeat these affirmations. And also record yourself repeating them and listen to them whenever you can during the day: your subconscious will believe to what you are saying.

(Please refer to Louise Hay‘s teachings to learn more).

Stop comparing yourself to other people

I can’t tell you how many times my students and mentees have started a session by telling me “I am scared to start because I see how amazing the others’ websites are. The others could be anyone in the specific niche of the person who is starting now and just sees how far other people have gone.

Don’t do that, don’t compare yourself to anyone: we are all struggling our personal battle and the person whom you think has a “perfect life” might look up to you and think exactly the same of your life.

Besides, comparing is just another self-sabotaging behavior that doesn’t serve you.

Help others

Have you ever heard the quote “We rise by lifting others”? It is as simple as that: since as humans we are all struggling for something, there are for sure a lot of people you can help already. Start by helping those who are closer to you, realize that you already have something that other people need and you can change somebody’s life with that.

It can be as simple as sharing your experience to help someone who is struggling with a problem that you faced and overcame successfully. You don’t have time for perfectionism when you are helping another human being and this will help you put everything into perspective.

Find your purpose

Easier said than done, right? I know, coaches and mentors say that as if it was “find your car keys” and I understand that it is not easy but it can be easy.  The truth is that you don’t find your purpose only when you are deeply disconnected from your soul, from who you truly are.

If you let the external voices be louder than your inner voice, then you lose that connection and you think that you don’t know your purpose, while instead deeply inside of you, you know it.

It’s usually the thing that makes you smile when you think about it, or makes you feel butterflies in your stomach, or whatever sensation you may feel in your body that is actually a manifestation of a strong, pleasant emotion. Of course there is a lot more to take into consideration and a coach or mentor can definitely help you with it.

I also suggest you look into the concept of Ikigai, and see if you can come up with the result yourself, otherwise, I will be happy to help you get started, just send me an email or book your free mentoring session here.

Now tell me: do you want to be perfect or happy?

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